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What if John Roberts were John Kerry?

07.21.2005 10:33 | DISPATCHES

The Daily Kos runs an excerpt from blogger Billmon, who fantasizes about how a Karl Rove-led campaign against John Roberts might unfold:

Blasting Roberts as a corporate lawyer is an excellent smear tactic. People hate lawyers. They dislike and mistrust big corporations. It also conveniently happens to be true -- just as it was literally true that John Kerry is an upper crust Bostonian married to a woman with a fuckload of dough. Sliming Roberts as a corporate lawyer is probably more effective than attacking him for his views on abortion or other social issues, since a.) the paper trail is better and b.) it can be used as a wedge to separate him from some of his socially conservative but downwardly mobile supporters.

In fact, if I were running a propaganda campaign to try to soften Judge Roberts up before his confirmation hearings, I'd probably go a hell of a lot further than Moveon. I'd call him a fat cat corporate lawyer who made millions catering to wealthy CEOs. A Washington insider who has spent his entire adult life shuttling back and forth between K Street and Wall Street. An arrogant, out-of-touch Ivy Leaguer who probably vacations at posh resorts with other arrogant, out-of-touch Ivy Leaguers. (And I would say it no matter where he actually vacations -- or even if he takes no vacations at all.)

I would dig up every client that Roberts ever represented, and God help him if any have had even the slightest trouble with the criminal justice system. I'd put together ads juxtaposing pictures of him with photos of Bernie Ebbers, Dennis Kozlowski and Ken Lay, and run them in selected media markets, just below the national media's radar screen. And if Roberts has ever issued any rulings that in any way, shape or form have made it more difficult to fight crime or terrorism, some of those ads would morph him into Pedro Escobar or Osama bin Ladin.

I'd make a lot of hay out of Roberts' ruling in the infamous french fry case -- using it as a parable for an eggheaded judge who has plenty of book learning but no common sense. If the girl was African American, so much the better for targeted ads on urban radio stations.

Ditto for Roberts's ruling on the POW damage claims. I'd get some disabled Gulf War I vets to do testimonials and hold press conferences: "Saddam only destroyed my health, but Judge Roberts destroyed my faith in my country." Gulf War Veterans for Truth has a nice ring to it.

And if all this still failed to derail the nomination, then I'd hang it around Bush's neck -- as just another sign of how arrogant and out of touch this White House has become after five years in power. And I'd hang it around the neck of every Republican Senator next year: "Those crazy sons of bitches put a POW hater on the Supreme Court!"


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