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Angels? Give me a houri any day.

06.28.2005 08:42 | DISPATCHES

To expand on "Nationalism Trumps Theology," I've long believed men on the hard right are fueled by resentment over all the sex other elements of the population were having starting in the sixties. In disdaining the secular life, though, and settling for their dowdy wives, they're not only at a disadvantage to liberal, libertine types. They pale, as well, besides Muslim fundamentalist men, who might find their wives -- if they can afford one -- humdrum, but who at least have the prospect of a sexually blissful afterlife.

Here's what a man signing on to the way of Islam can expect... "A woman of paradise will be a new special creation... a houri."

A houri is a most beautiful young woman with a transparent body. The marrow of her bones is visible like the interior lines of pearls and rubies. She looks like a red wine in a white glass.

She is of white color, and free from... menstruation, menopause, urinal and offal discharge, child bearing and the related pollution [sic].

She is a woman characterized by... flexing glances.

A houri is a young woman, free from odium...

A houri is an immortal woman of tender age, having large rising breasts which are round, and not inclined to dangle.

Every man who enters Paradise shall be given seventy-two houris; no matter at what age he had died, when he enters Paradise, he will become a thirty-year-old and he will not age any further.

Any Christian man who's not afraid of the onslaught of non-stop ecstasy awaiting him when he dies -- there's a sale on prayer mats today.

Thanks to


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